No really, now what?

June 15 marked one year since I left Canada. I wanted to write a post on the day of to mark the occasion, but on that particular day I had just finished a busy ten-hour shift at a new job that I promptly quit two days later, so I wasn’t really feeling typing up a blog post by the end of it. (Not to mention it would have just been one massive rant about really specific things that annoy me about large groups of people.) Since then I’ve written this post in my head a few times. Now that I’m actually writing it, I don’t know what I should say anymore.

I guess here are some rambling thoughts about my life since finishing university, which is really what this entire blog is. But this post is going to have much less structure.

On the whole, the past year has been all about failures to me. From not getting a job before convocation, to taking a break from applying to jobs in the fall, to leaving London after two weeks, not getting any of the retail jobs I applied to back in Germany, being rejected from every university where I applied for my Masters, not losing as much weight as I’d hoped despite my alcohol consumption going down by 98%, to quitting a job at an amusement after working it less than a week because I couldn’t handle the length of the shifts. At this point I don’t even know if I’m cut out for working on anything more than simple tasks. It feels like I don’t remember how to do anything.

My stress level has gone way up. You know when you snap over something petty because you’re just having one of those days where it seems like everything is going wrong, and one little thing is enough to push you over the edge? That is most days for me because this environment as a whole makes me unhappy. I’m swearing at every car that doesn’t let me cross the street, every fly that enters the house, every time my grandma says something that I consider dumb, every time my phone freezes because I had the audacity to ask it to load one app. So I meditate now every once in a while. I read a study (okay, I read an article about a study) that said that women who are stressed tend to carry weight in their stomach area. Maybe that’s why I still don’t look the way I want to. Now every time I’m stressed I think about that study. It doesn’t help the stress go away.

My German has gotten better. I used to take forever to break apart the enormously long words into their smaller pieces but it’s starting to get easier. Also I accidentally translate some German idioms directly into English and take a while to realise they’re wrong.

I got rejected from universities in Sweden because they said I hadn’t proven my English language abilities. When I submitted my transcript in English one of the schools said there was no proof that the courses were in English. I appealed to the board of higher education and the board found no reason to overturn the university’s decision. That is a real thing that happened.

I’m drinking a beer right now.

Since moving here I’ve contemplated living in London, Scotland, Ireland, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium, the Netherlands, and Munich. I haven’t been able to find work in any of those places.

The photo I used on my Tumblr posts is from when the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup in 2010. They won again this year and I actually watched most of their games, getting up at 2:00 AM each time and staying awake until 5:30 during game 6 of the Final despite having to get up two hours later for a ten-hour shift at work.

I’ve gotten really good at cooking. I mean, cooking is essentially following a recipe that someone else came up with. I can’t come up with my own meals yet, but I am damn good at recreating other people’s food. And there is a lot of delicious healthy food out there.

I can’t remember any year in my life where I’ve eaten as much cake as I have here. I think it honestly must average out to a piece a week at this point. Blegh. Why don’t I hate cake yet?

They still haven’t found MH370.

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